So the last few weeks have been rough with this whole WAIT thing. Yeah so I did great the first maybe 9 months or so on the waiting list. But then we would near the end of the estimated wait time and our agency would extend it again. And then again. And then more families ahead of us in line would change their age requests, knocking us back down the list. Again. And again. Ugh. So last week we hit the big 12 month mark on the waiting list, a point we were never supposed to get to back in the start, when we were expecting about a 6-8 month wait. Adoption is hard. Growing our family is hard. Is it worth it? Of course. Would I recommend others to do it? Yes but I would strongly emphasize that if you don't have faith in God, a faith that is true to the very core of your being, you will struggle to survive. I don't know that you could. There are days that I feel I am barely hanging on and I have God in my corner. Can't imagine not having Him to lean on, depend on and trust.
Hannah is starting to ask more questions, to think more concretely about this whole "sister" concept. Yet there are days when I don't even want to talk about her sister because I'm unable to explain why she won't "be here to play tomorrow."
I can't believe its been so long since I've written. The last post was filled with so much energy and newfound hope, and we are still very excited about pursuing TWO kiddos now. But the wait for Ethiopia has just been pulling at my heart more and more each week that passes without movement or news. Hannah keeps us entertained of course. She is so smart and so funny and I swear one of these days we'll have a teacher calling saying "Hannah told us ______" and I'll just be mortified! Ha!
I try to see this time as a time to grow, to learn more about myself, about adoption, about transracial adoption, about attachment, about God. Some days I do better than others. Trying to balance my already busy life is challenging enough, but then there is the constant nagging on my mind to check the yahoo group for any news, to see if there are any updates from our agency, etc. Its typically to no avail but it doesn't stop me from checking 40 times a day. Literally.
Each day I wake up and think "today? could there be movement today? could we move up the list again today? could today be our day?" Please God?
There is a war raging out there for our kiddos. Our enemy seeks to kill and devour. He doesn't like adoption. He doesn't like the message it gives to others regarding the parallel of God's adoption of all of us in to His eternal family. Well I am tired but I won't be giving up this fight anytime soon. God's not done with our family, which is obvious based on how much the enemy is fighting against us.
Many songs pass through my head on a daily basis, based on the mood I'm in that moment or what I've read that day. Today I choose to share the lyrics to "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. I know that we are so blessed to have our health, our family, our friends... Many many people have it so much worse off than us. But this is still a "storm" in our story. So this song tugs at my heartstrings right now. Despite how hard it is to wait and to long for our children, I know that God is good and that He will provide for us and answer our prayers of sending people to love on our kiddos until we can get them home. Enjoy the song....
"Praise You In This Storm" -Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus]
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
[Chorus x2]
