Living by the Lyrics

REFERRAL DAY!!!!! We got the call!!!!!!

2011-12-06T16:55:00.000-06:00

November 17th... A date that will now forever hold a very special in mine and Pete's hearts. It was on Thursday, November 17th at 2:29 pm that we got THE CALL we had been waiting for since March of 2010, when we began our adoption journey!

We were thrilled to hear our family coordinator tell us over the phone that we had a 20 month old SON waiting for us in Ethiopia! She gave us his birthdate (estimated) of March 28, 2010, which I immediately realized was within days/weeks of when our miscarried child would have been born. Something additional that I just realized this week? The seminar we attended when this process started was on March 27, 2010, and it was on the ride home that afternoon that we decided that YES God was indeed leading us to grow our family via adoption. We were on board. The very next day is our little boys estimated birthday. Just further confirmation of how God is in the details.

After we hung up the phone we had to wait for 30 minutes before the email finally arrived with pics of our little guy. In the meantime we went to pick up Hannah from school. On the way there, we saw a RAINBOW in the sky! It hadn't even rained (and it never did)! Again, another sign that God does fulfill His promises :)...

On the ride back to our house we told Hannah that we now knew how old her brother was and what he looked like. Her repsonse? "But he can't write on the walls with crayons!" LOL A typical toddler she is! Since then she has affectionately come up with multiple things she plans on teaching him and doing with him. But back to that day...

So we got home and gathered around the computer. Hannah sat in Pete's lap as we pulled up the pictures of our little guy. My first response was a huge laugh because his little face looked so serious and he looked like a football player in a toddlers body! :D Hannah just smiled really big and eventually got bored of us ooohing and ahhing over him and went to play :).

The following Monday we met via phone with an international specialist in Houston to discuss his medical profile, etc, and once we confirmed that all was well we officially accepted the referral with excitement!

It has been 2 weeks and I'm still just reeling in the fact that we have a SON halfway across the world. I've already been shopping (yes I'm bad, but I can't help myself!) and we are sending a care package to him this week with a photo album, a couple of shirts and two toys which Hannah picked out for him :).

This is an exciting yet busy time in the Cummings household. You wait so long for that phone call, but as for me I hadn't really thought through what came next. NOW we wait for a court date. We are hoping and praying to go in January to meet him and go to court. Once we go for that first trip, and pass court, we wait to be cleared for an embassy appointment, for which we take the second trip and then travel home with HIM! :) At best (which is what we're hoping for) we would have him home by Easter. I am specifically praying for him to be home for his second birthday...March 28th. You prayer warriors out there can pray with me... For you others, maybe you can still send positive vibes our way ;).

So I think about this little person every day. Its amazing how my heart is already falling in love with someone I've never met.. It proves to me that love for your children can grow in your heart just as much as it grows in a pregnant womans belly...

I'm super awful at updating this blog but I will try my best to do so more often. Even if it means catching up all at once with 2 or 3 posts in one day, like I am trying to do today. ;/

We appreciate prayers and well wishes as we continue on in this amazing adoption adventure! We hope to hear within the next few weeks about when our court date will be. I will be yelling it from the rooftops I'm sure once we hear! Because then I'll know exactly WHEN we will meet our son for the first time! Aaah! So exciting just to think about!

So what song have I chosen for this post? It has been so hard to think of a song that puts my emotions in to words. So I think today I will break my "blog rule" and not put any lyrics but instead a scripture that has been pressing heavy on my heart lately....

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

Thanks again everyone for your support and love during this process!

<3, Marcy

Motion of Mercy

2011-12-06T16:23:00.001-06:00

So I started this post on November 10th, just 7 short (yet long) days before our big referral call (the day we were matched with our child in Ethiopia-saw his precious face for the first time). I didn't get much written but I had already attached the song and lyrics about which I wanted to write.

In the weeks leading up to the referral I had some pretty neat quiet times in which specific scriptures kept coming up regarding adoption, serving, etc. I felt like something was about to happen but couldn't put my finger on it. This song for whatever reason just stirred my heart during that time (and it still does) to the point where I couldn't sing along without getting choked up. I still feel like God is up to something bigger than what we realize, and I'm just hopeful that we will be listening and responding in the way He wants us to.

I have posted the song below. The part that specifically speaks to me is about "living for the lost, giving till it hurts, no matter what the cost 'cause you loved me first. That's the motion of mercy...." Gets me every time. Over the past 6 months I've felt/been impressed upon three themes. First, SIMPLIFY. Second, SERVE. Third, MERCY. Not sure how to tie them all together in some sort of functional way, and perhaps I'm not supposed to. Yet. But nonetheless this song hits me in the gut and I want to share it before I write the big "Referral Day" entry because those weeks leading up to that day were very spirtually significant for me....

Here's the song....

"Motion Of Mercy"

I was poor I was weak
I was the definition of the spiritually
Bankrupt condition
So in need of help

I was unsatisfied
Hungry and thirsty
When You rushed to my side
So unworthy
Still You gave yourself away…

[Chorus]
That’s the motion of mercy
Changing the way and the why we are
That’s the motion of mercy
Moving my heart

Now I’m filled by a love
That calls me to action
I was empty before now I’m drawn to compassion
And to give myself away

[Chorus]
That’s the motion of mercy
Changing the way and the why we are
That’s the motion of mercy
Moving my heart

Living for the lost
Loving ‘til it hurts
No matter what the cost
Like You loved me first
That’s the motion of mercy

God give me strength to give something for nothing
I wanna be a glimpse of the Kingdom that’s coming soon

[Chorus]
That’s the motion of mercy
Changing the way and the why we are
That’s the motion of mercy
Moving my heart

I Will Praise You In This Storm...

2011-10-11T17:36:00.000-05:00

So the last few weeks have been rough with this whole WAIT thing. Yeah so I did great the first maybe 9 months or so on the waiting list. But then we would near the end of the estimated wait time and our agency would extend it again. And then again. And then more families ahead of us in line would change their age requests, knocking us back down the list. Again. And again. Ugh. So last week we hit the big 12 month mark on the waiting list, a point we were never supposed to get to back in the start, when we were expecting about a 6-8 month wait. Adoption is hard. Growing our family is hard. Is it worth it? Of course. Would I recommend others to do it? Yes but I would strongly emphasize that if you don't have faith in God, a faith that is true to the very core of your being, you will struggle to survive. I don't know that you could. There are days that I feel I am barely hanging on and I have God in my corner. Can't imagine not having Him to lean on, depend on and trust.

Hannah is starting to ask more questions, to think more concretely about this whole "sister" concept. Yet there are days when I don't even want to talk about her sister because I'm unable to explain why she won't "be here to play tomorrow."

I can't believe its been so long since I've written. The last post was filled with so much energy and newfound hope, and we are still very excited about pursuing TWO kiddos now. But the wait for Ethiopia has just been pulling at my heart more and more each week that passes without movement or news. Hannah keeps us entertained of course. She is so smart and so funny and I swear one of these days we'll have a teacher calling saying "Hannah told us ______" and I'll just be mortified! Ha!

I try to see this time as a time to grow, to learn more about myself, about adoption, about transracial adoption, about attachment, about God. Some days I do better than others. Trying to balance my already busy life is challenging enough, but then there is the constant nagging on my mind to check the yahoo group for any news, to see if there are any updates from our agency, etc. Its typically to no avail but it doesn't stop me from checking 40 times a day. Literally.

Each day I wake up and think "today? could there be movement today? could we move up the list again today? could today be our day?" Please God?

There is a war raging out there for our kiddos. Our enemy seeks to kill and devour. He doesn't like adoption. He doesn't like the message it gives to others regarding the parallel of God's adoption of all of us in to His eternal family. Well I am tired but I won't be giving up this fight anytime soon. God's not done with our family, which is obvious based on how much the enemy is fighting against us.

Many songs pass through my head on a daily basis, based on the mood I'm in that moment or what I've read that day. Today I choose to share the lyrics to "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. I know that we are so blessed to have our health, our family, our friends... Many many people have it so much worse off than us. But this is still a "storm" in our story. So this song tugs at my heartstrings right now. Despite how hard it is to wait and to long for our children, I know that God is good and that He will provide for us and answer our prayers of sending people to love on our kiddos until we can get them home. Enjoy the song....

"Praise You In This Storm" -Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus:]

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
[Chorus x2]

I'm Divin' In!!!!

2011-06-13T16:52:00.000-05:00

WOW have we been on an emotional rollercoaster or what?! God has been busy with our family lately! I will try to make all of this short and sweet. ("yeah right" says those of you who know me best!)

Soooo as stated in our last blog, we transferred to the new Honduras program. We have been very excited and anxious to get started on all the paperwork. Well it took about a month to finalize documents for the transfer. On the day that it was finalized, we got an email from our adoption agency asking if we would be interested in a concurrent adoption. A what?!

A brand new option had been approved literally THAT WEEK that would allow for those adopting from Ethiopia to either get pregnant (which you typically are not allowed to do) OR to adopt another child either domestically or internationally. This option was given becuase of the extended wait times in Ethiopia. Soooo... Basically they said that we could keep our place in line in the Ethiopia waiting list and pursue a little one from Honduras at the same time!

What?! I laughed out loud when I read the email... Pete's response? Well initally he just shook his head, and then at some point he said "and who would take care of all these kids?!" haaaa...

Ok so drum roll please.... Like I said I want to keep this short and sweet. SO here we go....

We are now adopting a little girl from Ethiopia, age 18-28 months AND a baby boy from Honduras, 0-15 months!!!!!!!

Yes that is correct, the Cummings family will be a family of five sooner than later!

Now don't panic...there has to be AT LEAST 6 months between placement of each child, so we will have transition time. And only one will potentially be a baby, so don't think of it as bringing home twins. Hannah will have adjustment time between the two. I think most people are thinking "how can they handle that? they can barely manage Hannah!" Yes this is true, we are tired and quite scattered. But something I have been reminded of this week is that if we are pursuing things that we can accomplish via our own powers....we must not be pursuing all that God wants us to pursue. He wants to provide for us. He wants to show us how HE can accomplish what we could never do on our own.

So how will we handle three kiddos? With God's grace!!! He wouldn't be leading us down this path if He knew we couldn't do it. And He is definitely the mastermind behind this, because we would have never pursued this option on our own. And He continues to confirm the decision to both of us in so many different ways.

So we would appreciate your continued support and prayers as we continue on in this crazy adventure called adoption! We still have no idea when we will get a child home...we hope desperately for a referral from Ethiopia soon but there is just no way of knowing.

As always I have to add in lyrics, and when I heard this song it felt like my heart jumped out of my chest in excitement. I'm ready to dive in, with God as my life vest!!!!!

Here is the link to the video/audio: http://youtu.be/hXqXIicm8uU

DIVE

by Steven Curtis Chapman

The long awaited rains

Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground

And carved their way to whereThe wild and rushing river can be found

And like the rain I have been carried here to where the river flows, yeah

My heart is racing and my knees are weak

As I walk to the edge I know there is no turning back

Once my feet have left the ledge

And in the rush, I hear a voice

That's telling me it's time to take the leap of faith

So here I go

[chorus]

I'm divin' in, I'm goin' deep

In over my head I wanna be

Caught in the rush, lost in the flow

In over my head I want to go

The river's deep, the river's wide

The river's water is alive

So sink or swim, I'm divin' in

There is a supernatural power

In this mighty river's flow

It can bring the dead to life

And it can fill an empty soul

And give a heart the only thing

Worth living and worth dying for, yeah

But we will never know the awesome power

Of the grace of God

Until we let ourselves get swept away

Into this holy flood

So if you'll take my hand

We'll close our eyes and count to three

And take the leap of faith

Come on let's go

So sink or swim, I'm diving in

Where You Go, I'll Go....

2011-05-09T17:43:00.000-05:00

So I think all of us know by now that God’s plans don’t always go in the exact way WE plan for them to. For the past year Pete and I have been on this journey towards our princess in Ethiopia. We have been happy, and I can honestly say that the wait, though hard at times, hasn’t been too pressing on us because we’ve been so busy with our other little one at home!

Let me preface all of this by saying that when Pete and I began this journey, the only thing we were sure of was that God was calling us to adopt. We never felt led to a specific country. However, had we chosen ourselves, our first choice would have been a Latin America country because of where we are in life right now. We live in a city of 95%+ Hispanics, we've learned a good deal of Spanish, I work with all Hispanic kiddos…. However, when we pursued that route the door closed because they only had older children available. So long story short we ended up in Ethiopia and have been very happy waiting for our little one to come home.

Soooo here we are, possibly within just a month or two of a referral (although its all unknown)… And I get an email from our adoption agency announcing the opening of their new Honduras program. My heart skipped a beat. But then I thought “Marcy you’re crazy. Don’t even think about it!” Soooo I deleted the email and went on with my day. Welllll about a month later I decided to call to get more information. Why? I have no idea. Of course Pete said “why do you want to torture yourself?!” SO I expected to get off of the phone with the Honduras rep with a confidence to carry on in our journey to Ethiopia. Instead my heart was racing and my mind was thinking all sorts of crazy things. Not only do we live in a Latino community, but my best friend and her family, with whom we spend many of our holidays, are from Honduras. So of all the Latin America countries to suddenly open….Honduras? really? And why/HOW could I even be considering this when my heart, my thoughts, my PRAYERS have been for my little African princess???

I’m trying to make this brief but its so hard because my heart has been on quite the ride these past couple of weeks. So I guess here’s the bottom line. We have decided to switch programs. We are now adopting a little girl from Honduras. Really? Yes, really. Will this extend our wait time? Most likely. Will we lose money? YES. A LOT. : / However, this will not deter us from pursuing this path. We prayed and prayed and somehow just felt like this was where God was leading. And that He would continue to provide.

SO are we crazy for switching after waiting this long, after getting so close to a referral… And to have to paperchase all over again, pay out more money….are we crazy? You know I keep going back to the lyrics of several songs and the ones that spoke to me last week (as we were making this decision) were “Where you go I’ll go. Where you stay I’ll stay. When you move I’ll move. I will follow.”

I may not understand why God would have us go through a year with ET before this, but I don’t regret a moment of it. The support I have found through other adopting families in the Ethiopia Yahoo Group has been priceless. With Honduras being so new there are few families with which to share this experience, and there are just so many unknowns. But I’m not fearful. I'm excited. I feel like this is the right path for our family.

Our little Hannah is already learning Spanish so its neat to think that even if our newest addition can only speak her native language, we will all still be able to communicate with her. That's exciting. Growing our family is exciting. I know that all these prayers I have prayed for my little Ethiopian princess have not gone unheard. God has known all along where our daughter is. My prayers were not in vain. I will continue to pray for her safety, health, and for her to be nurtured and loved until we can get her home.

We would appreciate your prayers as we begin the process of gathering some additional paperwork, updating health documents, etc. in an attempt to get our dossier (stack of paperwork) to Honduras by the end of the summer. We are still hopeful to be matched with a little girl (12-30 months old) by the end of this year, but we have learned that the adoption world is anything but predictable...

So I chose to tell our story via blog so I wouldn't have to answer the same questions a million times...although I would if it meant spreading the word about adoption and God's love for the orphan here in the US and across the world.

Thank you for your support and I hope to post updates more frequently... Though as I said earlier our little Hannah keeps us VERY busy! :)

If you or anyone you know have any questions about adoption, domestic or international, or foster care, please don't hesitate to contact me. I love to share with others how adoption has and continues to change our lives, and it was through hearing someone's else's story that we were also led into this amazing journey.

Much love,
Marcy

I'll Stand By You...

2011-02-27T22:27:00.000-06:00

As always in my blog I have to include a song with powerful lyrics. This is a lengthy blog entry...I recommend clicking on the video link so you can listen to this inspiring song while you read. I think the lyrics are symbolic of what it means to give and serve others.

Sooooo... we are about to begin our 6th month on the official waiting list for our adoption. We have actually moved up the list much faster than anticipated! We are now tied for number 5 on the toddler list (10-24 months) and tied for 2nd for a girl 18-24 months! By "tied" I mean that there is another family who had their dossier (information packet) arrive in Ethiopia on the same day. Technically we don't know which of us got logged into the system first, so we'll see who gets the referral first) :) And our "referral day" is the day we get to see our daughter's picture for the first time via email! It is the day we are "matched" with her and see her pictures, medical information, etc.

We are very excited (ok so I am excited, Pete is sort of in denial that it's happening this fast) :D but we now realize that we need to start really pursuing the financial side of things.

Pete and I will need to travel to Ethiopia two times. The first trip will be for our initial court date, and we should be there about 7-10 days. Once we pass court we will then be given an embassy date, at which time we will travel back to Ethiopia and actually get to bring our little one home with us! The two trip rule went into effect Jan of 2010 and has made things a bit more complicated (and expensive) BUT it was for the protection of the orphans in Ethiopia. Sadly, there is a lot of deception and child trafficking going on in their country. We are blessed to have found an agency that researches each child's history in depth and ensures full legitimacy in every area. This may take more time than we'd like, but we know we are getting a child legally and ethically.

So here's the nitty gritty... the cost for our two trips to Ethiopia is going to be about $15,000 (just in travel fees, this does not include adoption fees). Could be more, could be less (we hope!). Airline tickets are the bulk of this expense. We will not get much of a heads up as to when we will be called to travel, so we will have to purchase tickets without the luxury of advance purchase discounts, etc. Also, at this point it looks like we will be traveling during the summer, which is apparently the most expensive time to fly, specifically late summer.

In addition to travel fees, we have at least an additional $6000 to pay towards the adoption itself, which goes towards the staffing and supply for the transitional homes (where our child stays once referred to us), the medical care she will receive there, the consultation we get with an international adoption specialist (ours is in Houston), and other administrative needs of the agency itself. America World Adoption Agency is very transparent about all of the fees and where the monies are used. If you are interested in more details about the cost of our adoption you can visit the website at http://www.awaa.org/programs/ethiopia/cost.aspx

SO HOW CAN YOU HELP???????

Pete and I have been blessed to have paid every cent of this adoption ourselves thus far. We have had the support and prayers of family and friends every step of the way which is priceless. Though financial donations are always welcomed and appreciated, we are actually seeking help in a variety of different ways....

1. FREQUENT FLYER MILES!!!! We are hoping to find several people who are willing to donate frequent flyer miles which we can apply towards our tickets to Ethiopia. These miles will need to be the type which can be used on any airline (you would have to check to make sure) because we will not know which airline we'll be taking until the very last minute, and we most likely will fly on several. So if you or anyone else you know, perhaps a business traveler, etc, would be willing to donate some or all of their miles it would be such a blessing!!! UPDATE: We just had a family recommend that we use United or Delta miles...they were able to use their miles with only a 48 hour advance warning! If you are interested in helping us with miles contact me directly for more information!

2. PRAYER!!!! Some people don't think of this as a "tangible" way to give but I beg to differ! Prayers are much needed on this journey of ours. Here are several specific areas in which you can pray for us:

• Pray for our adopted child, that she be safe and nurtured until we can get to her and get her home!

• Pray for the remainder of our waiting, that the right child will be referred to us and that everything just falls into place.

• Pray that during this wait time we prepare ourselves emotionally and spiritually for the transition that is about to occur, including reading, researching, and praying!!!

• Pray for safe travels, that we would not fall ill (many do) and that Pete can survive having his long legs crammed into the little seats! (he really does dread that part!)

• Pray for our family, specifically Hannah, as we prepare to adjust to being a family of four instead of three.

• Pray that as we arrive home with our newest addition that she is able to adjust and that "attachment" goes well. Many orphans have difficulty with the bonding/attaching process.

There are many other prayer needs but those are some basics...your prayers are needed and will be FELT as we find our way through the remainder of this adoption journey.

3. Financial donations are accepted and appreciated. I have been told that all monetary donations are tax deductable but make sure to write on your check the purpose of your donation. You may also want to check with your CPA to see if you need any additional documentation. If you feel led to assist us in this way, you can either write a check to us or send it directly to our agency. Our agency has a new program called the "Eternal Family Program" in which individuals can donate funds towards our adoption with or without their identity being known. The online link to that is below. ALL donations in their entirety will be used directly towards adoption expenses.

4. Last but definitely not least, you can SPREAD THE WORD!!! Share our story with others you know. Pete and I believe that we were all born orphans into this world but that God has adopted us into His eternal family. This is beyond our ability to fathom, but through this process we are beginning to see what an amazing picture of True, Pure Love adoption really is. We want to share the story of adoption to all who are willing to listen.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and consider how you might help us grow our family by bringing home our little girl from Africa!!! We are so appreciative for the love and support of family and friends across the country. God has led us down here to Brownsville, TX, and we have met many amazing people along the way, but our journey is far from finished. We are excited to see what He has in store for our ever growing family!

If you have any questions regarding our adoption, or if you just want to touch base with us feel free to email anytime! Also, if you have friends who are considering adoption either domestically or internationally I would love to share our story with them! My email is mossylou@hotmail.com.

Thank you SO much for joining us on this journey!!! Can't wait to share the news of our referral!!!

Much love,

Marcy

Pete and Marcy Cummings

2867 Sweet Street

Brownsville, TX 78521

Donations can also be sent to:

America World Adoption Agency

Attn: Accounting Dept.

6723 Whittier Ave Suite 202

McLean, VA 22101
Checks can be made payable to: American World Adoption Agency or AWAA

Make sure to put in comment line "Pete and Marcy Cummings adoption"

To donate online visit the following link and under "Select A Fee" scroll down to "Eternal Family Program" www.awaa.org/forms/payment.aspx. Write our name in the comment section.

While I'm Waiting...

2011-02-03T13:39:00.001-06:00

I can't believe its been so long since I've posted anything! Wow I've been BUSY with my Hannah Banana! :) Well we have been officially "waiting" on the waiting list for our little girl for 4 months now! Isn't that crazy?! We are number 7 on the toddler girl list! So exciting!

We had a great Christmas! Hannah loved seeing family in Kentucky and seeing snow was wonderful! We were ready to get out of the south Texas heat! I'll post a few pics of our sledding experience! Hannah LOVED sledding! She's quite the little adventure seeker!

Pete and I have been busy trying to balance work and home this month. We hope to get things in line at work so that I can take some time off when our little beauty joins us (hopefully) this summer! I can't wait to be home with her and Hannah! It will be quite an adventure I'm sure!

I daily try to figure out how working moms do it...keeping a clean home, cooking meals, tending to the childrens' needs, all the while staying on top of things at work. I am so blessed to be in the line of work I am, helping children with needs every day. It is extremely rewarding. And now that we have our own business I have the flexibilty to be home when Hannah is sick or if an emergency arises. That is priceless. Yet I find myself worn down, tired all the time, dragging at work and I feel like I can never catch up with paperwork or housework! I want to start exercising, eating better, knowing that it would help give me that extra energy boost... But it's getting started, getting over that "hump" that's hard for me.

I figure that while we wait on the arrival of our little girl it is the perfect time to try to incorporate more discipline into my life in all areas. Typically during pregnancy people gain weight, slack off on exercise routines, etc, but now that I'm "paper pregnant" maybe I can do the exact opposite! I am hopeful.

God has blessed us so much and I have confidence that this adoption will be completed in His perfect timing. We still have a lot of preparation to do emotionally, spiritually and physically (where is she gonna sleep?!) :) so while we wait there is plenty to be done!

There is a song that comes to mind frequently during this time of waiting. I want to make the most of this wait time....take a listen.

So while I wait I will strive to know God better, to imitate Him, to love others how I know He wants me to, and to serve...

Below are a few pics of our little blessing...

If You're Happy and You Know It...

2010-09-25T19:37:00.001-05:00

WOW! What a whirlwind of a couple of weeks! I was under the weather last week...i still don't know exactly what I had but I think it was laryngitis. Basically I lost my voice for about three days. I am quite the talker so needless to say I really struggled. And on the final day I was up in San Antonio at a conference...talk about weird. I'm typically walking around, meeting fellow OTs, trying to mingle and network. This time not so much. And to top it off, 5 min before the seminar started Pete texted to tell me that he had just checked the mail from the day before, and what was there? Our USCIS approval!!! The final paper we needed for our adoption!!! And could I scream or yell out in excitement? Nope. No voice. Could I call Pete to tell him everything he needed to gather to prep? Nope. BUT I am quite an excellent texter and I think I got a LOT better that day, texting Pete all the things he needed to do before I got home to move the process along. He was probably grateful that I didn't have a voice b/c I was bossy enough via text! LOL

Soooo I drove back home last Friday evening...and from Friday till this past Thursday we worked to get our final forms notarized, certified, etc. And on Thurs we sent all our forms (Dossier) out!!! On Friday we heard from our family coordinator that our dossier looked great and that our DTE (dossier to Ethiopia) date will be 10/1/10!!!!!!! That is the date when our official "wait" begins. Talk about a HUGE weight off of our shoulders. It is no longer in our hands. We've done our part. Now we sit back and wait to see what, or rather WHO, God has in store for our family.

My hope was to get our dossier sent to Ethiopia by my birthday on Oct 16th...but then I thought no way would that happen. But God surprised me and here we are two weeks ahead of "my" schedule. Funny how He works. :)

So I am so extremely excited to be to this point. And I feel ready to "wait." There's lots of reading I want to do, and we've got a lot to do to prepare for our next little one. Of course you can ask me in a few months and I may not be as patient waiting...but I plan to take it a day at a time. And Hannah keeps us so busy that I think this time will fly by.

So whew! There's the adoption update!

And Hannah is sitting in my lap as I type and my legs are starting to tire...so I'm gonna go for now...

As for lyrics, don't laugh....this song is stuck in my head today and it's actually quite appropriate!!!

If You're Happy and You Know It

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!
If you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it!
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

Yea so you know the rest... But in all seriousness, if I am happy, you WILL know it because I show my emotions on my sleeve AND my face....so let's just say, right now I am VERY HAPPY!!!!!!! :) I encourage you to think of something that makes you happy...something that brings a smile to your face, and meditate on that thing. Allow yourself to be happy. I am. :)

Here's a few pics of someone who puts a smile on my face daily... :)

Till next time....
Marcy

Pure and Holy Passion

2010-09-11T16:31:00.000-05:00

Well progress is steady with the adoption. We had our USCIS appointment last Monday to get our fingerprints done...now we wait for the I-701 form, which will make our adopted child a US citizen when we land on US soil. It can take anywhere from 2 weeks to several months, so we're hoping for speed!!! Once we have that paper in our hand, our documents get sent to Austin for certification then we send EVERYTHING to our agency...who then sends it on to Ethiopia!!! Thus far I've felt peace and patience about everything. I'm hoping these final two steps go smoothly so that we can just sit back and wait...without worrying about what's left on our adoption to-do list! :)

Our social worker told us that we should have a little girl home by next summer. The adoption process is always unpredictable, though, so we'll see. In the meantime, little Miss Hannah is quite the busy bee! She loves playing outside and her new obsession is rocks. She could play all day with rocks if we let her, pouring them from one container to the other. Yesterday daddy gave her a bunch of jolly ranchers (not to eat, to play with) and she played with those things for hours!!! It was so cute to watch her imagination run wild! She is changing every day, and learning so much!

I wish I had more time (and energy) to get on here to blog all that we've got going on, if anything just to be able to look back myself and say "oh yeah I forgot about that!" Time goes by so fast...I'm hoping we'll feel the same way as next summer approaches and we hopefully are on the verge of recieving our referral!

Lots of songs have been in my head lately, but I think I'll share one that I heard the other day for the first time in a while. It's sort of a "theme song" that I wish I could adhere to every day...the lyrics are below. I also attached a link to the audio version I love from one of my favorite cds...

Pure and Holy Passion

Give me one pure and holy passion

And give me one magnificent obsession

Give me one glorious ambition for my life

To know and follow hard after You

CHORUS:

To know and follow hard after You

To grow as Your disciple in the truth

This world is empty, pale and poor

Compared to knowing You, my Lord

Lead me on and I will run after You

Lead me on and I will run after You

I look around at so many people and see how we're all on this race to accomplish things on our to-do lists, always going going going, never having time to slow down and just breathe and enjoy what's in front of us. I'm very goal oriented and I think it's great to look ahead and dream and make plans. But we've also got to live in the here and now. Yes, partially because we never know if there will be a tomorrow. But more than likely there will be a tomorrow...and someday we're gonna look back and see all the opportunities we missed while "waiting" for other bigger, better things to come. My little Hannah is growing up so fast. I want to look back and know I spent all the time I could nurturing her, loving her, showing her God's love and demonstrating to her what its like to live a fulfilling life...one of loving and serving. If I could wake up every morning and meditate on these lyrics, and revolve my life around what they mean, I think I'd be setting a pretty good example for Hannah and for those around me...

Beautiful, Beautiful

2010-07-09T15:25:00.001-05:00

Busy, busy I have been, with adoption papers, being a mommy to Hannah (who turns two TOMORROW!), trying to stay on top of things at work, thinking about the future, the here and now, then the future again... I am busy but I am so blessed. As my little Hannita turns two tomorrow I find myself being reflective of so many things. I think about all that I have experienced, where God has taken me thus far in my life's journey, and wondering what's next in store for our ever growing family. I have my moments of anxiety, fear, doubt, about many things, but at the end of the day, when I see Hannah hold her little hands together to pray, all of my doubts fade and I realize how absolutely beautiful my life is, because it is being directed by my beautiful God.

Listen to this song...hopefully the link will work. The lyrics move me.

Beautiful, Beautiful
performed by Francesca Battistelli

Don't know how it is you looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful beautiful

Now there's a joy inside I can't contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though its pouring down
I see you through the clouds
Shining on my face

(chorus)

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by your grace

(chorus)

Hope Now

2010-05-19T11:31:00.000-05:00

Its so hard to find time to blog during this paperwork process! Wow it's intense but I have no doubt that it will be worth every second! Today we are getting our home inspections done by the fire department and health department. We hope to get our medical forms and background checks finalized tomorrow and then everything will be sent off to our social worker....the first big batch of forms complete.

We decided last week to officially switch to the Ethiopia program. From the start we've really had no preference about from where to adopt, so when it appeared that the wait for a Rwanda adoption would be continually increasing over the next year, we decided to switch to Ethiopia, a program that has had stable wait times in the past. (Though this too can obviously change at any moment!) Unfortunately we will have to travel twice to Ethiopia due to changes in the adoption process as of Jan 2010. I'm hoping it will change back to the one trip requirement by the time we travel, but I guess we'll have to wait and see.

We are super excited about what's in store...in the meantime, though, we have precious little Hannah keeping us EXTREMELY busy! Wow she is a bundle of fun and energy! She loves to dance, sing and talk, talk and talk some more! I often wonder what our little girl from Ethiopia will be like...will she have a similar personality? Will she be shy? How will she and Hannah interact? Hannah LOVES the outdoors! Yesterday she had her first encounter with a frog. Her response? "OH wow, bullfrog! Awesome!" Ha! At 22 months she has no difficulties expressing herself! And thanks to the Wonder Pets for teaching her what a bullfrog is! LOL

SO as for lyrics that I'm pondering...Perhaps "Hope Now" by Addison Road is a good song for me right now. I definitely believe that hope is the anchor for our soul. With this adoption process we are totally trusting God to provide, to lead and to reveal his plan and his vision for our future. He knows our hearts desires...we can only do so much and then we have to just have have faith that He knows what's best and that He is the ultimate provider.

Hope Now (Addison Road)

If everything comes down to love, then just what am I afraid of?
When I call our Your Name something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I am yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Chorus
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Chorus

You've become my heart's desire
I will sing your praises higher
Your love sets me free...

Thanks to those who read and follow what we've got going on in this crazy busy little life of ours. Lots of things going on, but they are all GOOD things! I'm grateful that we have hope...hope for today, for tomorrow, for forever! :)

Mossylou

Somewhere Out There

2010-04-09T21:36:00.001-05:00

I apologize in advance as this will be a lengthy blog :)!

Since submitting our application to America World on Tuesday I've spent my evenings "blog-stalking" other adopting families....I am amazed that I've already found multiple families here in Texas adopting from Rwanda! I have enjoyed reading about where they are in their journeys...some have their children home, many are still waiting, and some are just starting the process like us. I am so excited to get the ball rolling on paperwork. I know it's going to be a lot to keep up with and we aren't the most organized folks on the block but with God's help I have no doubt we'll get everything done. So I thought I'd write a bit about how our decision to adopt came to be...

When the earthquake hit Haiti Pete and I were both moved to help in some way. I actually avoided the tv around that time, though, because I was having difficulty seeing all the images. One day I just randomly texted Pete, "Let's adopt an orphan from Haiti." I don't even remember why I was moved to do it, and I think I even laughed when I pushed send b/c it was such an outrageous, random comment. But he texted back "OK we'll talk about it when I get home." Huh? Seriously? So we talked, and talked, and prayed, and prayed, and talked some more...you get the picture. Pete wanted a clear sign, a lightning bolt out of the sky that said "ADOPT!" I, on the other hand, kept feeling like I was getting "signs" yet I was fearful that my emotions were interfering with my ability to hear God's voice clearly.

I had requested an information packet from an agency, America World Adoption, after reading that a friend from college had adopted through them. I had read over things but still had no particular insight or feeling that God was saying yes or no. One night we talked and decided that perhaps we should take a step forward and attend some sort of seminar, just to see what it would lead to, what we felt, etc. We had no idea where to find one but I planned to google it the next day.

The next morning I was feeling frustrated and prayed for God to just bombard me from every direction with adoption-related things if it was something he wanted us to pursue. As soon as I finished praying I opened my email account to a new message from America World Adoption Agency, which was just a friendly followup about my info packet, to see if we had any questions or to see if we would be interested in attending an informative seminar. Seminar? Umm yeah. So I clicked on the link, thinking we would have to travel to north TX or even further. Well, of all the little towns in all the country, there was a seminar in little London, Kentucky, a 30 min drive from Pete's parents house....on the weekend we were to fly into KY for vacation!!! Really?

My heart skipped a beat...I knew instantly that it was more than a coincidence. So I ran to the next room to tell Pete about it, and he was on the phone...talking to someone about adoption. What? Yep...he had left a message at someone's office and the person who had returned his call had just completed an adoption herself and proceeded to talk his ear off about how excited she was that we were considering it, and how it's such an amazing thing, etc etc etc. Whoa.

I wish I could remember all the other little things that occurred...I know there were many nights that the devotionals in "My Utmost for His Highest" were right on what I was praying about and I kept thinking "What does all of this mean God?"

The weekend before we left for KY we were singing "Everlasting God" at church....I was on alto mic that night and I got super choked up, almost to where I had to stop singing to gain composure. I've sang it multiple times before, but on that particular night the lyrics "You're the defender of the weak. You comfort those in need" really struck me as I thought of the orphans across the world. I had never thought of orphans in relation to those lyrics until that night, and when the pastor spoke afterwards about "going" when God says to "Go" I felt strongly that God was about to do something in our life if we would listen and obey.

SO we attended the seminar in KY. All the way there we prayed and talked about what God could possibly want us there for...to lead us to adopt? to meet someone? to hear something? all of the above? We prayed for clarity and the ability to hear Him. As soon as we walked in, Pete headed for the donuts and coffee :) and we hear someone say "I know you!" Long story short, the father of the couple leading the seminar knew Pete from college, and then the girl who sat to my left went to high school with me. Small world? Perhaps. But not coincidence in my book.

We enjoyed the seminar and went out to eat with several families afterwards to ask even more questions. Pete was asking each family "How did you know for sure that adoption was the right thing for you, and that the timing was right?" No one could give a specific answer, other than it just "felt right" and that it is God's plan for us to care for His orphans. However, one man asked us a question in return. "What sign would you look for before having another biological child?" That hit home. Things clicked. As we drove away Pete shared that he no longer felt that need for the lightning bolt. Yet I felt like we had just received it. :)

I've rambled on and on but its so hard to summarize all the thoughts going through my head. I am so excited to see what God is going to do in all of this. This is the first time in a long time where I feel like we have specifically sought God for insight and have heard and heeded His call.

We are excited about Hannah becoming a big sister. She is too young to be able to understand any of it but I love the thought of her having a little sister to play with next summer!

The lyrics I will close with are ones that have randomly come into my mind this week. The movie An American Tail 1987 (with Fieval! remember?!) had a song I used to love to sing as a child. Now the words mean something so very different to me as I ponder if our second daughter is already out there somewhere...

Somewhere Out There
Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram

Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light
Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer,
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.
And when the night winds start to sing their lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.

Somewhere out there, if love can see us through.
Then we'll be together, somewhere out there,
Out where dreams come true...

Goodnight all. I hope to update my blog with pics, new designs, etc, soon! It's pretty blah right now....but my life is far from blah! God is good and I am so excited to see what He has in store for our ever growing family!

Hardcore Generosity

2010-04-05T14:53:00.000-05:00

So for the past few weeks our church has been sharing the message of "Hardcore Generosity." Each message seemed to pull at my heartstrings in a particular way but I kept pushing it back thinking "nah, I'm just making it up in my head." I kept thinking "what's more hardcore than adopting a child, saving them from an oppressive life and giving them a life of love?" Well God is good to verify a vision if you ask Him to do so... Long story short, Pete and I have decided to pursue adoption! We are filling out our paperwork this week in hopes to start our "paper pregnancy" soon! More details to follow, including the way all of this came to be (totally a God thing) and how we plan to proceed on this journey... In the meantime I am meditating on these scriptures and lyrics...

"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families." Pslams 68:5-6

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows." Isaiah 1:17

"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me." Matthew 18:5

Everlasting God (lyrics)

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Our God, you reign forever
Our hope, our strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
You do not grow faint
You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak

You comfort those in need

You lift us up on wings like eagles....

Please pray for us as we embark on this exciting journey...

Amarillo By Morning

2009-10-26T16:21:00.001-06:00

Ok so here I go. I've known for a long time that I would write this blog. Just wondered if I'd be able to get up the nerve to sit down and do it. I thought that today, of course, would be the ideal time to do it. Today marks one day since my father's passing. This song was one of his favorites, which my siblings and I sang at his funeral. I have attached the video of us singing it together for the first time in my mom's kitchen, practicing for the ceremony. Thus the sense of awkwardness. Dad would have enjoyed it I'm sure, all of us singing together. He instilled the love of music into all four of us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfMfQ5oa-6I

Losing a parent is one of those things that no one can really ever prepare you for. Especially when they are taken from you at such a young age. I thought my dad would be around to take Hannah (and any other future children) fishing. I thought she would grow up learning about his sarcasm and gag Christmas gifts. I thought he would be here for me to call whenever the Cincinnati Bengals score a touchdown "WhoDey!", or when the UK Wildcats win a big championship... I wanted him to be able to see me grow as a mom and be proud of me. I had hoped he would be here last week to sing me Happy Birthday again. Last year he somehow managed to sit up on the edge of the bed and sing the whole thing, in tune, not missing a word, even though it had been weeks since he had been able to complete a coherent sentence. Within a couple of days he was bedridden, within a couple more in a morphine induced coma, in a couple more, he was gone.

I've never had to deal with death. All my grandparents died either before I was born or when I was an infant. My closest relative to pass (an aunt) had moved away the year before and since she never had a burial site to go to it was like she just never came back from a trip. All my pets either mysteriously disappeared or ran away before I ever had to see them die or bury them. I've always had a small fear of death...of how I would respond when I had to look it in the face either myself or through someone else. I never could have imagined that the first funeral I attended would be my dad's.

So it's been a year. A busy one, adjusting to life as a mom, as a working mom...being away from my own mom has been so hard. Knowing how hard it has been for her to lose her lifemate at the young age of 57. How do people learn to move on without feeling fearful of forgetting something about the one they've lost? I get scared sometimes that I'll forget what his laugh sounded like, or how his clothes smelled when I hugged him goodnite every night. Or that I'll lose sight of some of the things he taught me about thinking for myself, never letting someone else tell me what to believe but instead to search out truth on my own.

Every time I hear "Amarillo By Morning" I obviously think of Dad. He grew up in Texas and had so many stories from all the places he'd been. I wish I had those memorized, too, so that I could recall every detail to tell Hannah someday. Dad was a simple man, simple but with a huge heart. "I ain't got a dime, but what I got is mine. I ain't rich, but Lord I'm free..." This was Dad. He worked hard to put food on the table and to provide us with all he could. He helped us appreciate what we did have, and taught us the value of work.

So tonight I sit and wonder about what Dad would say if he could hear my thoughts, see what I'm up to, the silly things I worry about, the struggles I face...what advice would he give me? Again, he was so simple...he'd probably say "Well, baby, whatever makes you happy." And then he'd follow it up by a comment like "but I still think Pete should take back that %#$ ring (my wedding ring) and buy him a bass boat!!!" LOL

I hope that somehow I will have learned from this great loss that we should never take our loved ones for granted. Even as I knew Dad was growing weak I never had the courage to really face it. I wanted to hope for the best, that God would heal him and make him whole again. Dad fought hard and we were so proud of how he never gave up. But I still feel like I should have said more, told him I loved him more, laughed and cried with him more. But would anything have ever been enough?

"The first man a little girl loves is her daddy." This is the quote I opened with when I spoke at his funeral. It is so very true. And I will always love him.

Still Here Waiting

2009-09-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

I've not blogged since "What Do I Know of Holy?" because that song was so inspiring and impacting that I didn't know where to go next. Tonight I was scrolling through my ipod to find something new to listen to, something I hadn't heard in a while. I came across a song by Todd Agnew. I attended his church in Memphis while I lived there for one of my internships back in 2004 and I've been listening to his music every since. The lyrics below are to one of his songs...I attempted to link to the music video but had technical difficulties so if you want to hear the song look it up on YouTube.

Still Here Waiting -Todd Agnew

It's cold outside
Or is that just the chill I feel inside from standing here
Steeping in my shame
I can't deny I'm surrounded by the very thing You freed me from
That's why I can't come home

Chorus
I don't know where I turned around
From chasing what I always found completed me
More than I could dream
I don't know why I can't remain
Safe here where I always came to meet with you
And You always met with me
And You're still here waiting

I fail to see
Why You'd still be waiting to forgive me
After all that I have done
But I cannot say
That one time I returned and You had turned away
Your love never fails

Chorus

You say, "Come home" and You'll be there
I can run into Your arms

This is the story of true love. Of true, unselfish, forgiving love. The kind of love so many of us seek after in our relationship with our parents, our spouses, with our closest friends. We have all screwed up. We've all done things we've regretted. As children we dread having to tell our parents we did something that will upset them, that will make them ashamed of us...or so we think. As young adults many of us get into all sorts of trouble, saying hurtful things to the people we love the most, acting out in rebellious ways that looking back seem so childish and selfish. As adults we sometimes take it to the next level, making mistakes which will impact not only our future but the futures of others around us.

As a Christ follower we are held to such high standards by society. Many people see being a christian as being a "rule follower," and its all about what you cannot do. And we are supposed to be perfect, and not "sin" because then we would be hypocrites right? This view is so horribly wrong. Christianity is about the saving grace of Jesus. If we were perfect we wouldn't need Him. And if we didn't need Him then why would God have sacrificed Him in the way He did?

Yea, so maybe I'm getting a little too "churchy" here but in looking at these lyrics I think about my relationship with God. I think of how for years I watched from a distance until I finally decided for myself that yes I believed in Him, yes I saw what He had done for me...that was such an intense spiritual time in my life. I gave all of my worries, my fears, my insecurities, and my failures over to Him, and He took it all away. There was such peace, such joy, such direction and purpose in my life. And yet....I fell again. I sinned again. I walked away again. How could this happen?

Just as the lyrics say, God completes me more than anything or anyone in this world ever could. So why did I screw up? Did I commit one of the big "cardinal sins" that everyone talks about? No, actually I didn't, but the interesting thing that I find to be true is that when your sin is not one of the blatant, "oh my gosh i can't believe you did it" kind of sins, it is actually more challenging to get rid of. Hang with me a sec... Think about it. Someone who is cheating on her husband is obviously in need of some direction, and everyone is able to see it, and can try to help her, and there are typically support groups and books for that. But what if your sin is in the shadows, what if it is something that only you and God can even identify? No one sees it so no one holds you accountable. That's the kind of sin/problem/issue that can start eating away at you, and unless you choose to take it before God it is going to linger and grow. And when you choose not to take it to God then a wall is built. A wall between you and God.

So over the past few years I've been going through this process of figuring out "Who am I?" and "What is my Purpose?" and let me tell ya, if you aren't talking with God, listening to God, then you won't ever hear the answers to those questions. The lyrics to this song remind me that no matter how bad we've screwed up, no matter how many times we've tried to "get clean" and failed, that if we go to God with a true, willing spirit He will be there with open arms. Its an amazing love He has for us. I don't deserve for Him to take me back but He is there waiting. So many people know the lyrics to "Amazing Grace" but how many of us actually sit and ponder on the true meaning and power of those words? God is waiting for us. He is waiting for us to see that being in a relationship with Him and serving Him offers an abundant life...its not about what we can't do, its about all HE has already done and all that we will be able to do through Him who will give us the strength, peace, and JOY that this world will never be able to match. I'm running to the Mercy Seat...

What Do I Know of Holy?

2009-09-01T09:20:00.000-05:00

Well I survived blog number one and found it to be quite refreshing. But it's funny because with blogging I think you have to make a conscious decision that you are either going to be completely transparent or you're not. What if my family members read this? What if my Christian friends read it and find offense at something? What if my non-Christian friends read it and think I'm a holy roller? What if an old friend reads it and thinks "Is she talking about me?!" In all actuality few people will probably read, few will judge, few will give what I write a second thought. Transparency can be so challenging, because it makes us vulnerable. This state of transparency and of vulnerability, of willingness to be open and authentic, is where God wants us to be. This is where He can come in and fill us up, because we are willing. Because we are not blinded by fear of what people will think or say... I think one struggle I've had since choosing to follow Jesus (in high school) is that I do worry too much about what others will say or think about me. This has impacted my walk with God is so many ways. I've put Him in a box at times, not allowing Him to show me all He can do and all He is because I was afraid of fully diving in and giving my all in order to become more like Him, more "holy."

This week I discovered a group called Addison Road. There is a song that when I first heard it goose bumps came and tears came to my eyes at the realization that they were words from my own heart. Below are the lyrics...I attached a link to YouTube for the audio but there are no pictures (intentionally) because I want the emphasis to stay on the lyrics...

What Do I Know of Holy? -Addison Road

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS-bRarAZ2g

I made promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made you too small
I never feared you at all No,
If you touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

Chorus

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along your ocean?
Are you fire? Are you fury?
Are you sacred? Are you beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You are mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

Chorus

What do I know of holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your Name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

Chorus

~
Wow. Some songs have a way of knocking you on your butt, making you sit and think about where you are in life. This song did this to me. The technical structure of the song and vocals mixed with the lyrics is just beautiful, and moving, which is why I also added the link. I am excited to say that God has really been on the move in my little family in the last couple of months. And yet when I heard this song I realized how I still had not allowed myself to really dive in, be transparent and authentic with God, and to allow Him to show me who HE is. It has been all about me, and how I want to grow in my spiritual walk, how I want to serve more...this is all great, but how do I genuinely, fully do that? My "walk" is with a HOLY God...by walking with Him means that I live with Him, talk with Him, LISTEN to Him, try to be like Him. The word "holy" can be so intimidating. And so can the image of God that so many people have. What is the image I have? What is my holy God really like? I know about all the amazing things He has done, and I've seen Him work in the lives of people...and yet how well do I really understand His level of Holiness? Is it even possible? Some things are just beyond comprehension, right? And yet when I see sunsets in the mountains, or watch the waves at the ocean, or see a newborn baby be born, I get this sense of wow...how could anyone not believe that there is a HOLY God out there... What is YOUR view of God? Is He fire? Is He fury? Is He sacred? Is He beautiful?

Born to Fly

2009-08-29T12:10:00.000-05:00

OK so here I go, my first blog ever. Why am I blogging you may ask? I dunno, maybe just as a release of all these crazy thoughts that run through my head every day. Maybe by writing I can get some of the clutter out and allow what's left to function with a little better accuracy.

So when people think of me, what do they think of? People who have known me across my 29 years of life would probably say many things, but one thing in common would most definitely be "she sings all the time!!!" Yes, indeed, I love to sing. I don't like music theory, and please don't make me sing in Italian or Latin (Sorry Mrs Williams)...I just want to have fun with it. I'm no professional, just fair at best. But it's a passion. At the age of two I was given a microphone and I haven't turned back since. Music has a way of allowing us to express ourselves. Music, many genres, has influenced my life in so many amazing ways. So I figured if I was going to blog that I should incorporate music...Thus the title of my blog, "Living by the Lyrics..."

I've always been a fan of country music. How could I not, I lived amongst a bunch of rednecks, country folk, barefooted men and women in overalls....ok so maybe it wasn't that bad, but I can definitely relate to the song "Redneck Woman"-of course that's another blog. But this song, Born to Fly, is one that hits close to home, closer than I realized until recently. Here are the lyrics:

Born To Fly (Sara Evans)

I've been tellin' my dreams to the scarecrow
About the places that I'd like to see
I say "Friend, do you think I'll ever get there?"
Oh but he just stands there smiling back at me.
So I confessed my sins to the preacher about the love I'd been prayin' to find.
Is there a brown eyed boy in my future? And he says "Girl, you've got nothin' but time."

But how do you wait for heaven? And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground when you were born to fly?

My daddy he is grounded like the oak tree. My mama she is steady as the sun.
Oh you know I love my folks but I keep staring down the road,
just lookin' for my one chance to run.
Cause I will soar away like the blackbird. I will blow in the wind like a seed. I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams and I will grow up where I wander wild and free.

But how do you wait for heaven? And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground when you know that you were born to fly.

I'm a dreamer. I always have been. I can remember as far back as the sixth grade dreaming about all the places I hoped to see someday, and how desperately I wanted out of KY, out of the familiar.

I had it good growing up. We didn't have a lot of money but we always had enough, and my parents raised me to believe that I was capable of anything I put my mind to. Sometimes I wonder if mom regrets feeding that motto to me, because mix that with my natural tendency to dream, and off I go...

So why do I feel guilty sometimes about "flying" away from home? I found an old journal entry yesterday dated early 2007 that said "I am enjoying life in Texas but if anything were to ever happen to mom or dad and I wasn't there, I don't know if I could ever forgive myself." Well, my dad was diagnosed with cancer within six months of that entry, and he passed away in Oct. of 2008. I've gone back and forth on "should I have moved back? should I have been there more?" It's amazing the mind games we play with ourselves. I'm not fully ready to delve into how I have or have not mourned the loss of my father, but I will say that it has made me question this whole "dreaming" business.

I believe that God wants us to experience the abundant life that He offers. As long as I am living for Him, serving and loving His people, then it doesn't matter where I live. Right? God puts desires in our hearts. He puts the passion for traveling and serving people in the hearts of missionaries. He puts the passion for athletics and youth in the hearts of men who start inner city youth programs for at risk teens. He puts the passion of music in the hearts of men and women who lead people in worship via singing, instruments, etc. All in all, it is safe to dream. It is fun to dream. It is imperative that we dream!

So where am I going with all of this? Maybe the lyrics hit on something when it said "how do you keep your feet on the ground when you know you were born to fly?" I think one way to translate that is to say that we are all living a story. We all have this one life to live. We can dream about what we want to put into those chapters or we can be proactive and write the chapters by living our dreams. So what is the title of your book? What chapter are you living in right now?